Crazy Love
by Jozzy
Summary: Set after Maria has breakfast with Brody.
1. Default Chapter

Author:Jozzy 

Author:Jozzy 

Title: Crazy Love

Summary: This is just a look at the different relationships on Rosewell right now.

Spoilers: Before the New York thing

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I'm not going to make any money off this so please don't sue me

A/N: The bold text are thoughts

Crazy Love

It wasn't that I was really mad. She didn't know it wasn't Michael. But then why did she kiss him. Okay, Liz says that he kissed her. So is Michael attracted to her? Now Michael is mad at me. All because I had breakfast with a guy. True this guy is like rich, but he's just a guy.

A guy that compliments me

A guy that chases me instead of me chasing him.

A guy that thinks he was abducted by aliens.

Why is my life so complicated?

*******

Maria looked around the diner. She had been working for five hours and was waiting for Liz so they could go take her brake. Her eyes settled on Michael. It was one of those rare occasions where he actually showed up to work. Lately he had been skipping to have meetings with Isabel and Max. Michael's eyes caught the blond's and hardened. He turned back to his stove. Maria sighed.

"What's wrong?" Liz stepped over to Maria, seeing the sad look cross her best friend's face.

"Liz, what is the only thing that's wrong with me lately?"

Liz nodded knowing exactly what Marie meant. She and Max had been having problems too. Ever since...

"Come on Marie let's go. We can go visit Brody if you want."

"Liz, despite what everyone thinks, I'm just friends with Brody."

Liz sighed; sometimes she wished that Maria did have a thing for Brody. It would get her mind off Michael. Liz hated that Michael could always make Maria cry. She hated that a lot of the time she hadn't even noticed Maria's pain because she was so wrapped up in Max.

Maria knew that Liz was feeling guilty again by the frown of concentration on her friend's face. Maria also knew why Liz was feeling guilty. When Liz had returned to Rosewell this summer she had been devastated by how bad thing between Maria and Michael were going. The way her friend pined over the rebel, and his indifference. Liz had felt responsible for letting Maria sink so far.

Maria rolled her eyes, "Come on Liz, let's get out of here."

Maria would do anything to keep the pity from coming into Liz's eyes again. Every time anything went wrong with Michael Liz would have a flashback to her indiscretion towards Maria last year. She would get this look, ' Maria has been in pain so long and its all my fault. I should have been here for her. Instead I was pining over Max. I'm a terrible friend.' Somehow everything turned out to be about Liz.

******

Finding something to do in a town the size of Roswell was not easy. Really the Crashdown was the only place for kids their age to hang out. So Maria and Liz wound up driving out to the desert. Going up to a familiar cliff over looking a small ravine they brought out a couple of blankets to lie on while they watched the sun go down.

True their friendship had been stretched over the last year. Mainly it had revolved around making Liz feel better about her on again off again relationship with Max. For a while Maria had begun to deeply resent the girl she had practically grown up with. But things were getting better. After the break from Roswell Liz had come back seemingly okay with the whole I'm not with Max thing. In fact she was actually adamant that they not be together.

"Look Maria I know this entire uber-Michael things hurt you, but you have to know that I didn't want it. I know that Michael is yours and I don't want any part of him. That kiss just happened.

I didn't expect or ask for it."

Maria sighed, " I know you didn't Liz. I'm just a little jealous it has nothing to do with you really. It's just that Michael would never kiss me like that. Out in public where everyone could see. Hell he won't kiss me period. He's so mad about this Brody thing. Dammit we're not even dating anymore! It's not my fault! I can go out with any guy I want!"

Frustrated, Maria leaped off the blanket and began to pace. Anger rolled off her in waves. Whenever she thought about Michael her emotions became unbalanced one moment she would be pining over him and the next she was a raving lunatic about the unfairness of their relationship.

"Who does he think he is! I am my own person. I make the decisions! And if I decide that I want to date Brody then I'll date Brody."

Standing Liz pulled in front of Maria. She may not have been that great a friend last year, but now she could make up for it. This time she would be there for Maria. 

"I know M but you know he's just like this because he's jealous. He wants what's best for the both of you. And in his mind that's not being together."

Maria growled, "Well he's an idiot. How can this be better? I go to sleep crying almost every night. It can't be any easier for him. Look at him with Brody. He just about dies when another guy even looks at me. Why can't Michael just wake up and smell the coffee? I just want to love him. Is that so much to ask?"

Tears were now streaming down the young woman's face. Maria turned from the ravine, making her way back to the car. It was too hard! Living every day with this pain. Part of her wished that she could just turn off these feelings for Michael, as he seemed to turn off his own. The other part, the truthful part, knew that she would never stop loving him. Not really. She could hide her feelings like Liz and Max seemed to be doing, but they would still be there when she woke up in the morning. Remembering how it felt to hold him in her arms that one night they spent together, when Michael had left his foster father. 

****

I just want to be happy. Is that so much to ask? Can't I be happy for five fucking minutes? Does everything have to be so damned hard?

*******

Maria left over half an hour ago. She and Liz just walked out. I hate when she does that. I hate a lot of the things that Maria does. No that wrong. I hate how the things she does make me feel. Like right now I feel guilty for making her leave and really miss her too. Me, Michael Geran feeling guilty. God, I can't remember a time before Maria that I ever felt guilty about anything. And I wasn't exactly Mr. Morality back then. I'm not now either but that's a different can of worms. 

Where the hell did she go? Probably to go visit that orange haired freak. Man I want to just smash him in the face. The way he looks at her. The way she looks at him. She never looks at me that way anymore. The only thing I see when I look at Maria these days is this infinite sadness. A sadness that I know I'm responsible for, which makes me want to reach out and comfort her. So I don't look at her that much anymore, at least not in the eyes. That's okay there's plenty more of Maria to see.

That's another problem. I think about her constantly now. She has invaded my dreams and she just won't go away. I see her whenever I close my eyes. That frightens me more than any of the visions of my home planet ever did. I haven't been this afraid to close my eyes since those episodes with Isabel. 

My life is too fucking complicated.

********

End part 1


	2. Crazy Love 2

Author: Jozzy

Title: Crazy Love

Summary: My own universe set right after the whole New York thing.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff.

Spoilers: After the whole New York thing

Rating: PG-13 for language

'Shippers: M/M M/L I/A

Part Two

I wanted him since as long as I could remember. I dreamt of him at night when I was a little girl. He was my night in shining armor. I never saw him, not until that day in the cafe. I was looking into his eyes and I just kind of fell. 

I know its not healthy for me to love him. If we are together everything goes wrong. I don't want that for him. I want him to be happy. I want him to be safe. Unfortunately I have to pick which one he gets to be. His fate is in my hands. I can either give in and just be with him. That would make him happy for a little while. But then the shit hits the fan. Or I can stay away, he'll be sad, but alive and well.

Most days when I look at him it seems like the easiest decision in the world. I would do anything to keep him safe. Then other days, particularly when Tess is draped all over him. I want to walk up to him and kiss him. I want to tell him that I love him, that I'll never love anyone besides him. Of course I don't do this. Instead I just go up to my room and cry into my pillow and write everything down in my diary.

Reality sucks. In a place like Roswell, where all the citizens depend on illusions to survive, reality is a curse that comes and bites us on the ass every couple of weeks. One week everything will be normal. We're all just teenagers with normal problems. Like Maria and Michael. They could be any couple on the street. Two totally in love people, but the guy has commitment issues.

The next week were fighting Skins and running from alien hunters. Some times its just to much for me to handle. That's why I went away this summer. Everything was in shambles with Max, I just had to get away from Roswell. I didn't get that far, not really. I didn't call or anything. But I did think about everyone every moment I wasn't moving. So I kept myself to busy to think.

At first I told myself that I would date, so that I could forget Max. I would find a nice normal human guy and have a wild summer with him. There was even a guy at work that liked me. He would allude to dates and I just pretended not to understand. In the end the thought of going out with someone else made me feel like I was cheating on Max.

Sometimes I remember how my life was before. When Kyle was still my boyfriend and Maria and I were still close. I remember seeing Max in the hallways and not even thinking about him. He used to be that weird kid in my class who no one really talked to. I knew he had a crush on me. Everyone knew really, Max had a thing for staring at the back of my head during any class we had together. But I never gave him the time of day.

Oh how things change. I can't go a minute of the day without aching to see him. He clouds my dreams at night. I wake up in sweats sometimes. When ever he is near I can sense him. My eyes dart automatically to his tall lanky form. When I look at him my hands itch to burry themselves within his hair. My throat becomes parched and I swear my lips get dry all of a sudden. I feel sticky and uncomfortable because I am using all my strength not to just throw my self on him.

**********

I don't believe that Liz would ever cheat on me. However I do know that she thinks that us being together is a bad idea. I don't know why she thinks this; all I do know is that I will change that. I don't care why she is doing this. I just want it to end.

I want to hold Liz in my arms again. I want to hold her in my arms all night long. I want to see my love reflecting back in her eyes. I want us to be together. I don't care who thinks it won't work. I'm a prince damn it, I can make it work.

Michael told me once that he thought my 'Liz obsession' was really a manifestation at deep seated need to lose my virginity. Don't ask me. Liz is the only person that I've ever found truly attractive. There were other people who I could tell were cute, but Liz had my eye since I had come to Roswell.

I guess it was pretty obvious to anyone who had a class with Liz and I that I liked her. I spent most of my freshmen year staring at the back of her head. It wasn't really something I could help. She was just so beautiful. My eyes and mind gravitated towards her when ever she was anywhere near me. It was like I could sense her.

I can still feel her sometimes. When we're at the Crashdown and everyone's gone for the night. Maria and Liz will be cleaning up for the night and Michael doing whatever he does to keep the kitchen clean. Isabel and I will just be sitting around, normally arguing about something or other when I'll just get this sensation. Its like a spark that runs up my body, from my toes straight to my heart and then outwards until I'm coated in it. And when I turn I usually find Liz standing there, looking at me. I like to think its her love that I feel on nights like that.

It's not fair.

Liz and I never did anything to anyone.

We deserve to be happy.

We deserve to be together.

continue


	3. Crazy Love 3

Author: Jozzy

Title: Crazy Love

Summary: My own universe set right after the whole New York thing.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff.

Spoilers: After the whole New York thing

Rating: PG-13 for language

'Shippers: M/M M/L I/A

Part 3

I've always been the girl that everyone wanted or wanted to be. Ever since that kind of stuff mattered anyway. I've always been popular, people gravitate towards me. But I remember the day I woke up with a thirteen year old mind and the body of a fifteen year old. Breasts had bloomed on my body without my knowledge one summer. I walked into my first day of junior high and my world changed.

The weirdest sensation in the world is to be coveted. 

I walk down the hallways of Roswell High and feel the eyes of everyone on my body. Noticing every imperfection. It drives me insane most of the time.

Michael tells me my need to be perfect stems from my need to loose my virginity. I think his need to loose his causes him to misdiagnose others.

No, I know where my anal retentive tendencies come from. In my previous life I was a princess. The strain to be the perfect daughter, perfect fiancée, one day perfect wife and mother led me to betray my people. Led to the death of my brother, my soon to be husband, my family, and myself. And now in this life, I cannot fail them again. Now I must be all those things and more. The perfect student, perfect date, perfect idol, perfect in everyway.

But sometimes I don't have to be perfect. When I'm with Alex I don't have to be anything. He sees who I really am and he thinks that image is perfect. He pushes no expectations on me, only his love.

I repay him with empty promises and flowery words.

**********

I have been obsessed with Isabel Evans since the third grade. It wasn't the first time I had ever seen her. She was Isabel Evans everyone knew what she looked like. It was the first time she ever talked to me.

We were all on the playground. I was getting my ass kicked by this fifth grader when she walked by. The guy, Tom, Mike or something equally jockish, called out to her hoping to impress her with his physical poweress. She had glared at him, told him that he was an immature jerk. Jock boy beat a hasty retreat and I tried not to vomit in front of the great Isabel. She asked me if I was okay and I, of course, being the stupid kid that I was nodded. She walked away and I fainted.

Ever since then she has clouded my thoughts and blinded my eyes to all other women.

I makes songs about her but I never write them down, not where anyone could see.

My love for her has always been like a secret shame. I am not good enough for her.

Right now we dance around our mutual attraction. Never admitting real emotions.

She's just looking for something out of the norm. Isabel waited a long time to rebel against the standards our small town life has placed on her shoulders. I guess I should soak up her attention while I still can.

It'll be gone soon.

Girls like Isabel Evans don't fall in love with guy like me. Guys with not enough money or cool points. I don't go to the right parties. My clothes don't match hers. I'll never be the rich, jock superstar that she can ride to glory.

Isabel has been shown her entire life, both of them actually, that all she was good for was a trophy. Right now she's rebelling against that image of herself. But in the end she will succumb. She'll be the perfect wife to the perfect guy.

A true relationship between two people like us only happens in fairy tales.

And life in Roswell, New Mexico, especially our lives, are anything but fairytales.


End file.
